I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
