Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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