I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
This is classic penis vs brain.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
