Rock
Scissors
Fuck
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
