the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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