i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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