I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
