His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
