You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
