Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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