i permit you to call me
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
