U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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