Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
