'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
