I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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