I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
