Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
