Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
