I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
