You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
