When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
