Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
