Midget sex pt 2 tonight
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
This is the prime rib incident all over again
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
