BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
