I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
