Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
