I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
