I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
