walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
