I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
