how hairy? two words: wookie tits
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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