she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
