Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
