I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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