you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
