3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
