my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
