Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
