i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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