i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
