We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
