Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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