i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
