i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
