You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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