Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
