He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
