they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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