i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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