Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
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