it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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