after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
