I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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