I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
