is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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