yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
