He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
