I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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